Baboon resigns from UKIPNewsBiscuit | NewsBiscuit

A baboon has resigned from UKIP following a fierce debate in the party over its future bananas policies. Nigel – named after UKIP’s charismatic leader – indicated he was leaving the party which, he alleged, ‘has been taken over by a cartload of monkeys’. The resignation follows revelations that two chimpanzees and an orang-utan had […]

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Farage denounces Peppa Pig as EU propagandaNewsBiscuit

Nigel Farage has once again given voice to the unspoken thoughts of the majority by claiming children’s television is being infiltrated by EU propaganda. ‘Our children are being brainwashed,’ he said. ‘They don’t have a chance – by the time they’re old enough to vote, they think it’s perfectly normal to know what halloumi is.’ […]


Paul Nuttall recollects surviving the Boston Floods of 1571NewsBiscuit

Paul Nuttall, previously resident of Stoke, defined his causes for standing because the UKIP candidate for Boston and Skegness. ‘I was born here, I’ve lived right here all my life and I survived the good flood of 1571,’ he stated right this moment, reflecting on the unhappy lack of his shut buddy and second cousin […]


‘The Shape of Mogg’ – Jacob reveals secret love for Fish-ManNewsBiscuit

Victorian politician Jacob-Rees Mogg has revealed he’s in a secret love affair with a wierd sea-creature – often called a ‘British Trawlerman –  who has been persecuted by shadowy authorities forces.  The unlikely union between the gruff, scaly, smelly creature that was captured and imprisoned by the EU years in the past, and the subtle […]