Grayling arms nationwide prepare providers over to nerd in atticNewsBiscuit

Secretary for Transport Chris Grayling has dropped his chin to his chest, emitted a sob and admitted defeat. ‘Northern Rail slashing daily services was the last straw. No, that was the penultimate straw – Mark Carne becoming a f***ing CBE was the last straw and now Govia Thameslink are advising people not to travel to […]

Daily Mail admits secretly fracking for vitriol after reserves run dryNewsBiscuit

Despite raising fears about the impact that shale gas fracking will have on the nation’s health, the Daily Mail has been forced to concede that it had embarked on its own secret fracking campaign after its reserves of vitriol began to run low. The paper has resorted to generating a series of explosions of outrage deep […]

so cunning you

Cross Channel foot passengers going through migrant ‘piggy-backing’ miseryNewsBiscuit

Foot passengers returning to the UK from day trips to Calais are being subjected to attempts by illegal migrants to stow away inside their personal belongings. In unprecedented scenes, people queuing at passenger terminals in Calais were filmed by fellow travellers having to run the gauntlet of migrants climbing into carrier bags and hand luggage […]


Heathrow growth to incorporate SudetenlandNewsBiscuit

As MPs debate the deserves of a ‘Third Runway and Reich’, many are fearful in regards to the environmental influence, the promise of ‘budget holidays in our time’ and the annexation of elements of Surrey. Neither has the sinister unfold of Heathrow been helped by the sight of brown-shirted flight attendants and proposed bombing raids […]

may money

May to provide NHS ‘birthday present’ of HMV vouchersNewsBiscuit

Despite claiming to have discovered one other £20bn for the NHS in left over change from the DUP, the Prime Minister has drawn up a present checklist involving socks, scented candles and an paradoxically titled ‘self-help’ information. She has additionally booked a indoor kids’s play space, so each medical practitioner can expertise two hours in […]


Britain breathes a large sigh as Colour is troopedNewsBiscuit

For weeks now pressure has been constructing with the nation seemingly paralysed by an nearly palpable feeling of tense pleasure, foreboding and uncertainty. But now the shadow has handed and we are able to all get on with having fun with the rest of the 12 months as The Colour has, a lot to the […]

Britain desperately wanting grandads who had been within the warNewsBiscuit

Social commentators have highlighted a phenomenon that has crept up on society, insidiously unnoticed: the more and more lack of grandads who fought within the conflict. For generations, British grandchildren had been vested with enviable bragging rights, with the ability to say that their grandad was once within the conflict. However, that is now not […]


Pastor Curry To Be Charged with Spreading ‘Love Speech’NewsBiscuit

To counterbalance the crime of ‘hate speech’, Her Majesty the Queen has requested parliament to enact a Bill criminalising ‘Love Speech’ after Pastor Curry talked about the phrase 978 occasions a minute throughout Harry and Meghan’s marriage ceremony. If the legislation is handed these responsible of ‘Love Speech’ can be punished by having to take […]


Commoners instructed to ‘tidy up’ earlier than they goNewsBiscuit

Over 2000 commoners trapped contained in the grounds of Windsor Castle have been instructed they received’t be allowed to go away till the place is clear and tidy.  Those commoners who tried to get away a bit early to beat the frenzy discovered the portcullis locked and the drawbridge raised to stop them from leaving. […]