oh, go on, please?!

Nation’s husbands name for lawnmower banNewsBiscuit

Four UK water companies have lifted the last hosepipe bans, triggering calls by Britain’s husbands to introduce a lawnmower ban instead in order to prevent dangerous levels of nagging about the state of the nation’s gardens. Abnormal levels of rainfall during the recent drought have left gardens across the UK in a state of parlous […]

Isn’t Wimbledon fascinating this 12 months, says ScotlandNewsBiscuit

The folks of Scotland are fully absorbed on this 12 months’s Wimbledon Championship, it has emerged. Despite the withdrawal of residence favorite Andy Murray Scots up and down the nation are fully engrossed within the match within the absence of another main sporting occasions happening in the meanwhile. ‘We can’t get sufficient of the tennis […]

Vatican launches Home Exorcism KitNewsBiscuit

Pope Benedict XVI has given his seal of approval for a special self-exorcism kit that members of the general public can use to tackle their own personal demons. The kit, comprising of bell, book and candle, plus a special phial of holy water blessed by the Pope himself, will be available from the Vatican home […]

Radio four geneticists create Moral MaizeNewsBiscuit

Geneticists working for BBC Radio 4 have finally unveiled the first GM foodstuff that can improve the ethical behaviour of consumers, known as ‘moral maize’. The maize, developed at a secret research site on the roof of the BBC’s Broadcasting House in London, will make those who eat it better, kinder, more patient, less prone […]

Just don

Knight Rider remake to function new diesel KITTNewsBiscuit

A remake of the seminal 1980s series Knight Rider will see David Hasselhoff teaming up with a diesel engine version of his old crime-fighting buddy KITT, according to reports. The global financial crisis, together with skyrocketing petrol prices, has forced producers into a rethink, with catching criminals now considered less of a priority than fuel […]

Viva les rosbifs!

Tour de France newest: Yorkshire people ‘adopting French ways’NewsBiscuit

The population of Yorkshire has really taken the Tour de France to heart and is beginning to adopt French mannerisms and tastes as a result, according to reports coming in from ‘God’s own County’. ‘They’re beginning to act funny peculiar,’ said Dr James Braine of Sheffield University. ‘Several Yorkshire eateries are giving their dishes French […]

Taylor Swift rapidly reinforcing her defences

Taliban launch comeback tour with enormous bangNewsBiscuit

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, or in this case ‘a bicameral national legislature, comprising of two chambers’, it turns out it’s not. Like a blast from the past, or at least the detonation of a car bomb, the world’s favourite pantomime villains have returned with a cover-version […]

so cunning you

Cross Channel foot passengers going through migrant ‘piggy-backing’ miseryNewsBiscuit

Foot passengers returning to the UK from day trips to Calais are being subjected to attempts by illegal migrants to stow away inside their personal belongings. In unprecedented scenes, people queuing at passenger terminals in Calais were filmed by fellow travellers having to run the gauntlet of migrants climbing into carrier bags and hand luggage […]