oh, go on, please?!

Nation’s husbands name for lawnmower banNewsBiscuit

Four UK water companies have lifted the last hosepipe bans, triggering calls by Britain’s husbands to introduce a lawnmower ban instead in order to prevent dangerous levels of nagging about the state of the nation’s gardens. Abnormal levels of rainfall during the recent drought have left gardens across the UK in a state of parlous […]

Isn’t Wimbledon fascinating this 12 months, says ScotlandNewsBiscuit

The folks of Scotland are fully absorbed on this 12 months’s Wimbledon Championship, it has emerged. Despite the withdrawal of residence favorite Andy Murray Scots up and down the nation are fully engrossed within the match within the absence of another main sporting occasions happening in the meanwhile. ‘We can’t get sufficient of the tennis […]

Radio four geneticists create Moral MaizeNewsBiscuit

Geneticists working for BBC Radio 4 have finally unveiled the first GM foodstuff that can improve the ethical behaviour of consumers, known as ‘moral maize’. The maize, developed at a secret research site on the roof of the BBC’s Broadcasting House in London, will make those who eat it better, kinder, more patient, less prone […]

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Knight Rider remake to function new diesel KITTNewsBiscuit

A remake of the seminal 1980s series Knight Rider will see David Hasselhoff teaming up with a diesel engine version of his old crime-fighting buddy KITT, according to reports. The global financial crisis, together with skyrocketing petrol prices, has forced producers into a rethink, with catching criminals now considered less of a priority than fuel […]

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Porn websites wrestle to deal with demand for royal-themed contentNewsBiscuit

Websites catering to the tastes of housebound onanists declare the latest wedding ceremony has created a marketplace for porn with a royal flavour. “We weren’t prepared for this”, says trade boss Ed Siegel. “We’ve needed to rush out a bunch of latest titles reminiscent of Windsor Spit Roast, Gaggin’ Meghan, Throne Bone and Are You […]

Vital emergency service staff ‘not actually that vital’NewsBiscuit

The authorities has defended the Commons’ vote towards ending austerity for public sector staff, together with the emergency providers, in a ‘clarification statement’ that concluded that these staff have been ‘vital but not THAT vital’. Tory MPs continued their wild cheering because the slogan they will use for the subsequent few months appeared on their […]

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Love Island to declare independenceNewsBiscuit

Caroline Flack right now introduced that she had despatched a declaration to the United Nations in search of to have Love Island recognised as an unbiased nation. She additionally introduced that she would start workplace because the island’ first “Love Queen”. It was introduced that mass immigration would start after independence recognition and any that […]

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Armchair quizzer not pretty much as good at quizzes as he thoughtNewsBiscuit

Convinced he ought to go on the BBC’s quiz present Pointless as a result of he at all times did properly sitting at dwelling, armchair quizzer Daniel Atkins, 39, lastly utilized and gave it a go to calamitous outcomes. Never getting previous the primary spherical twice and scoring 100 every time, Daniel blamed the strain: […]