remainers

‘Remainerland’ novel imagines a world the place Remain wonNewsBiscuit

Popular novelist Robert Harris, creator of such counterfactual bestsellers as ‘Fatherland’, which imagines the world after a Nazi victory, has utilized the identical methodology to final yr’s EU referendum. In this model of actuality, Remainers awakened on 24th June to information of a 52-48 vote of their favour and posted on social media that they […]

UN appoint Jeremy Kyle to lead international conflict resolutionNewsBiscuit

UN appoint Jeremy Kyle to guide worldwide battle resolutionNewsBiscuit

The United Nations have announced the appointment of Jeremy Kyle to take up the newly created position of President of the Resolution of International Conflicts (PRIC). The move, sponsored by FoxyBingo.com, sees the smug presenter build on the success of his ITV show, and may also help bring a whole new ‘daytime’ audience to the […]

Mocking the formula of late night talk shows

Mocking the system of late night time speak reveals

Late-night speak reveals have loads in frequent with one another, together with white male hosts, scripted political jokes, and “racially diverse” bands. In “Every Late Night Talk Show Ever,” comedy channel Smosh places a highlight on the late-night speak present style’s system and mocks it mercilessly. Say good day to Jimmy Whiteguy. [Insert […]

Burglar-Bill-001

Criminals to police themselvesNewsBiscuit | NewsBiscuit

The government is to introduce self-policing for UK law breakers. Unveiling the radical new scheme, government spokesman, Maria Miller, explained; ‘The old saying is ‘it takes a thief to catch a thief’ and this measure is simply an extension of how Parliament itself works. That system has met with such universal approval from the British […]

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Ethelred was ‘actually ready’, new report findsNewsBiscuit

Documents launched underneath the one thousand 12 months rule have revealed that the referendum carried out by Britons in 1016 now present the King, King Ethelred, was really extraordinarily prepared, regardless of the eventual vote ending up cut up 52% to 48% to the alternative. It is believed there was a number of misrepresentation of […]

Hatton Garden raid response ‘within guidelines’, say policeNewsBiscuit

Hatton Garden raid response ‘within guidelines’, say policeNewsBiscuit

Police looking into the hole in the wall at Hatton Garden after a vault heist confirmed that their response is entirely in line with current policy to downgrade minor crimes such as domestic burglary. A police spokesman defended the decision not to inform the vault owner nor investigate the alarm while the robbery was in […]

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Man admits Brexit vote was influenced by ‘angry cat’ Facebook postNewsBiscuit

Surrey engineer Henry Ebdon has put his resolution to vote for Brexit all the way down to a Facebook publish titled ‘Angry cat beats up owner’, through which tabby Morpheus viciously assaults his feminine proprietor regardless of her frantic makes an attempt to calm him. The publish has been ‘liked’ over 200,000 instances. ‘I didn’t […]

Patients on hospital trolleys

Patients strike again in junior physician rowNewsBiscuit

Following a succession of docs’ strikes and the specter of extra, sufferers’ persistence is turning into exhausted and a backlash has begun. The beforehand little-known Patients’ Union is threatening to flex its muscle groups, with plans for numerous types of industrial motion. ‘Two can play at that game,’ stated ward steward Florence Dayton. ‘We’ll begin […]

sunlit-uplands

DVLA to unveil ‘sunlit uplands’ Brexit signageNewsBiscuit

As the UK commemorated 365 days till the top of its membership of the EU, the DVLA introduced plans to unveil commemorative street signage for use on all roundabouts, motorways, roads, slipways and rural paths sooner or later earlier than March 2019, all being nicely and topic to settlement with the opposite 27 member states. […]