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BBC looking for misplaced DimblebysNewsBiscuit

The BBC has begun a worldwide seek for rumoured Dimbleby siblings deemed ‘lost’, in a bid to interchange David Dimbleby, who introduced his stepping down from the weekly Question Time panel present this week. It is assumed that many Dimblebys could exist within the wild, merchandise of liaisons between legendary battle correspondent Richard Dimbleby and […]

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Dacre’s substitute to be android with super-racist AINewsBiscuit

Paul Dacre’s substitute as Daily Mail editor is to genetically engineered super-racist android, it has emerged. Named Adbensi, the android has a state-of-the-art AI software program chip primarily based on the collective philosophies of Hitler and Mussolini with only a smidge of Simon Cowell’s control-freakery melded in, simply in case anybody in-house will get concepts […]

NOTE ALTERNATE CROP Mayor of London Boris Johnson salutes from the deck of the tall ship Tenacious, which is moored at Woolwich, in east London, as part of the month long Totally Thames festival.

Boris Johnson discovered responsible of not being Boris JohnsonNewsBiscuit

A person who has been passing himself off as a bumbling politician for the previous twenty years is at this time beginning a 3 12 months jail sentence after having been convicted of a number of cases of deception. “Foreign Secretary”, Boris Johnson, by no means went to Oxford or Eton it has been revealed. […]

the British public finally has a choice of dirty partner

Nick Clegg launches sinister courting web site: ‘Salmond, Farage or Me’NewsBiscuit

In attempt to help voters lose their lunch, the Lib Dems have promoted their answer to C4’s ‘The Undateables’. Offering a stark choice of sexual extremes, Nick Clegg has positioned himself as the ‘moderate filling’, sandwiched between the thick, sweaty slabs of the SNP’s Alex Salmond and UKIP’s Nigel Farage. Those online, looking for love, […]

Baboon

Baboon resigns from UKIPNewsBiscuit | NewsBiscuit

A baboon has resigned from UKIP following a fierce debate in the party over its future bananas policies. Nigel – named after UKIP’s charismatic leader – indicated he was leaving the party which, he alleged, ‘has been taken over by a cartload of monkeys’. The resignation follows revelations that two chimpanzees and an orang-utan had […]

halal, kosher, let

Farage denounces Peppa Pig as EU propagandaNewsBiscuit

Nigel Farage has once again given voice to the unspoken thoughts of the majority by claiming children’s television is being infiltrated by EU propaganda. ‘Our children are being brainwashed,’ he said. ‘They don’t have a chance – by the time they’re old enough to vote, they think it’s perfectly normal to know what halloumi is.’ […]

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Government introduces vote recycling schemeNewsBiscuit

The authorities has introduced that it’s to introduce a vote recycling scheme. It is known that votes could also be recycled on the polling station the place they have been first solid, whereupon any member of the voters doing this might be credited with an oz of frequent sense and promised 5 kilos off their […]

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Owen Smith sacked for ‘understanding the issues’NewsBiscuit

Allotment holder, Stalin impersonator and occasional Labour Party chief Jeremy Corbyn has sacked shadow Northern Ireland Secretary, Owen Smith. This adopted what was described as a ‘completely unparliamentary display of honesty’ by the Shadow Northern Ireland Secretary in suggesting second referendum on Brexit may not be such a foul concept in any case, you understand. […]