Isn’t Wimbledon fascinating this 12 months, says ScotlandNewsBiscuit

The folks of Scotland are fully absorbed on this 12 months’s Wimbledon Championship, it has emerged. Despite the withdrawal of residence favorite Andy Murray Scots up and down the nation are fully engrossed within the match within the absence of another main sporting occasions happening in the meanwhile. ‘We can’t get sufficient of the tennis […]

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Trump and Kim decide assembly end result on sport of golfNewsBiscuit

‘It will be a good game, the best ever, I’m the biggliest golfer on this planet,’ claimed the United States President, saying he had excessive expectations of successful the sport and conquering North Korea as a consequence, or a phrase that sounded prefer it was meant to be ‘consequence’ however with fewer syllables. Advisors have […]

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May guarantees funding in grass roots grouse shootingNewsBiscuit

Theresa May pledged a 10% discount in Henley Regatta hospitality packages and higher tax reduction on Wimbledon debentures right this moment, in an try and widen entry to a variety of upper-class rutting and posturing occasions. Seen by many as a cynical response to Jeremy Corbyn’s promise of extra sources for group soccer, the insurance […]

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God faces infinite superb below GDPRNewsBiscuit

It has emerged that God faces a report superb for failing to adjust to GDPR. The most superb is 20 million euros, or 4 % of turnover if greater, and with turnover in his case being the earnings of the complete universe, which is close to as rattling it infinite, then a superb of 4 […]

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Umlaut sues Emoji for copyright infringementNewsBiscuit

Lawyers engaged on the behalf of Germanic vowel alternation have filed a category motion towards ‘cheap and disrespectful’ ideograms. Too typically sophisticated exchanges are being lowered all the way down to a primary sequence of winking face, heavy black coronary heart and Theresa May burning Windrush documentation. A spokesman for Umlauts defined: ‘My client has […]

Vowels to strike in protest at txt spkNewsBiscuit

Countdown and its spin off programme, eight out of 10 Cats Does Countdown, are bracing themselves for a looming disaster because the 5 vowels of the English alphabet threaten to take industrial motion. A, E, I, O and U, are uninterested in the exclusion coverage, practised by thousands and thousands, when engaged within the language […]

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Tesco super-saver injunctions flood the marketplace for poorer celebritiesNewsBiscuit

After the recent spate of super-injunctions served on the media by wealthy celebrities keen to conceal their indiscretions, their C-list colleagues have found themselves priced out of the market. With a reported cost of £100,000, only the richest miscreants and philanderers can afford them. But a number of supermarket chains including Tesco and Lidl have […]

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‘Fussy’ dung beetles refusing to eat shit any moreNewsBiscuit

To zoologists, they are nature’s great recyclers, the 5,000 or so species that feed on faeces and maintain the ecological balance of the deserts, farmlands, forests and grasslands of the world. However, this may be about to change, as a younger generation of dung beetle tell their parents they ‘are not eating that shit’. The […]