Isn’t Wimbledon fascinating this 12 months, says ScotlandNewsBiscuit

The folks of Scotland are fully absorbed on this 12 months’s Wimbledon Championship, it has emerged. Despite the withdrawal of residence favorite Andy Murray Scots up and down the nation are fully engrossed within the match within the absence of another main sporting occasions happening in the meanwhile. ‘We can’t get sufficient of the tennis […]

Vatican launches Home Exorcism KitNewsBiscuit

Pope Benedict XVI has given his seal of approval for a special self-exorcism kit that members of the general public can use to tackle their own personal demons. The kit, comprising of bell, book and candle, plus a special phial of holy water blessed by the Pope himself, will be available from the Vatican home […]

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Solstice Druids vote ‘leave’NewsBiscuit | NewsBiscuit

Crowds gathered at Stonehenge to recollect the catastrophic immigration coverage that led to an inflow of Anglo-Saxons through the fifth century. Bringing their European legal guidelines and illuminated texts, these financial migrants undermined the core British values of badly cooked mutton, dancing bare round fires and believing in fairies. Endorsing the Brexit marketing campaign, one […]

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Africa closes its borders to migrant British bankersNewsBiscuit

Reports are surfacing rescue vessel containing lots of of workers from British financial institution branches has been turned away from ports alongside the North African shoreline. The migrants are following a well-trodden path to North Africa with studies of hundreds of pub landlords already in settlement camps and rumours of dozens of ships containing high-street […]

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Goldilocks admits to additional string of burglariesNewsBiscuit

Following the break-in at a bear family by the  ‘choosy’ burglar, police profilers have recognized a number of extra crimes simply recognisable by her modus operandi.  One couple arrived house to search out their home wanting like a garments store altering room, whereas one other reported their crate of greatest Cabernet Sauvignon stolen after somebody […]

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Glasgow’s School of Art regrets Burns ExhibitionNewsBiscuit

Angus McGowan, curator of the National Robert Burns Archive, had been wanting ahead to showcasing work on the School of Art, just for the Burns component of the present to get out of hand.  Originally celebrating  the poet’s hitherto unknown journeys of discovery, 200 and sixty years earlier than his delivery, sadly the whole lot […]

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McDonalds to exchange straws with hypodermic needlesNewsBiscuit

Bowing to environmental stress and an elevated demand for saturated fats, McDonalds shall be permitting prospects to inject, snort or smoke their ‘offal of choice’.  There are varied choices, with some plastic straws being changed by a extra pragmatic mechanism for quick meals supply, often called a ‘shovel’. Explained one supervisor: ‘Our customers are looking […]