Isn’t Wimbledon fascinating this 12 months, says ScotlandNewsBiscuit

The folks of Scotland are fully absorbed on this 12 months’s Wimbledon Championship, it has emerged. Despite the withdrawal of residence favorite Andy Murray Scots up and down the nation are fully engrossed within the match within the absence of another main sporting occasions happening in the meanwhile. ‘We can’t get sufficient of the tennis […]

Vatican launches Home Exorcism KitNewsBiscuit

Pope Benedict XVI has given his seal of approval for a special self-exorcism kit that members of the general public can use to tackle their own personal demons. The kit, comprising of bell, book and candle, plus a special phial of holy water blessed by the Pope himself, will be available from the Vatican home […]

sunrise-938998_640

Solstice Druids vote ‘leave’NewsBiscuit | NewsBiscuit

Crowds gathered at Stonehenge to recollect the catastrophic immigration coverage that led to an inflow of Anglo-Saxons through the fifth century. Bringing their European legal guidelines and illuminated texts, these financial migrants undermined the core British values of badly cooked mutton, dancing bare round fires and believing in fairies. Endorsing the Brexit marketing campaign, one […]

woman-1564277_640

Africa closes its borders to migrant British bankersNewsBiscuit

Reports are surfacing rescue vessel containing lots of of workers from British financial institution branches has been turned away from ports alongside the North African shoreline. The migrants are following a well-trodden path to North Africa with studies of hundreds of pub landlords already in settlement camps and rumours of dozens of ships containing high-street […]

fire-2197606_640

Glasgow’s School of Art regrets Burns ExhibitionNewsBiscuit

Angus McGowan, curator of the National Robert Burns Archive, had been wanting ahead to showcasing work on the School of Art, just for the Burns component of the present to get out of hand.  Originally celebrating  the poet’s hitherto unknown journeys of discovery, 200 and sixty years earlier than his delivery, sadly the whole lot […]

football-world-cup-2018-3420784_640

Scots storm out of World Cup in protest at not being in it within the first placeNewsBiscuit

A delegation of Scottish footballers and followers has staged a protest at what they referred to as their ‘exclusion’ from the World Cup. ‘The rules are quite clearly prejudicial,’ mentioned spokesman Jimmy McCreesh. ‘The way they prioritise being able to play football over getting drunk and fighty, eating something unhealthy and falling asleep in the […]

the-syringe-1291129_640

McDonalds to exchange straws with hypodermic needlesNewsBiscuit

Bowing to environmental stress and an elevated demand for saturated fats, McDonalds shall be permitting prospects to inject, snort or smoke their ‘offal of choice’.  There are varied choices, with some plastic straws being changed by a extra pragmatic mechanism for quick meals supply, often called a ‘shovel’. Explained one supervisor: ‘Our customers are looking […]

buffet-315691_640

Kim and Trump hail ‘greatest buffet ever’NewsBiscuit

It is known peace on the Korean Peninsula is one step – or mouthful – nearer following a marathon 4 hour consuming session that left each leaders wheezing and with meat sweats, however in the end not desirous to blow one another up. Over thirty cooks had been drafted in to create the menu: ‘We […]