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Metallica to play at Prince Louis christeningNewsBiscuit

Some royal eyebrows are being raised because it’s been revealed that heavy steel band, Metallica, is to carry out their iconic track, Enter Sandman, at Prince Louis’s christening service later right this moment. Ardent Royal watchers assert this proves the younger Royals at the moment are hell-bent on pushing the household’s stuffy and fuddy-duddy picture […]

Time working out for folks boasting they know nothing about footballNewsBiscuit

Britons who really feel superior for “not having a clue who Harry Kane is” have been warned that their smugness will solely final one other week at most. ‘Either England will be knocked out of the World Cup or the saturation coverage from Moscow will make it impossible to feign ignorance of the event’, warns […]

Embarrassment as England group’s flight dwelling already bookedNewsBiscuit

There had been crimson faces within the England camp immediately because it was revealed an over-enthusiastic admin assistant had already booked their flight dwelling after the Colombia sport. “I thought I’d better get them booked as soon as possible since Dele insists on an aisle seat, just in case he’s feigning a broken leg,” she […]

Sweltering Britain

Bored Britons Wake Up To Yet Another Tedious Day Of Relentless Bright SunshineNewsBiscuit

A wave of frustration and melancholy is sweeping throughout the nation, as its residents awaken to continued boredom and gloom, with out even the thrill of a world cup defeat or a Tour-de-France ban to deliver reduction to a nation of annoyed curmudgeons. ‘This government isn’t serving to,’  mentioned pensioner Gerald Hatterick ‘What with offering […]

Big Sam known as in to rescue stricken soccer teamNewsBiscuit

Former Everton supervisor Sam Allardyce is about to just accept a contract to show across the fortunes of a soccer group that has descended additional than anybody anticipated. In hazard of falling even additional into the abyss, many thought of that the squad confronted a hopeless scenario, and that they might by no means come […]

Pot

Man sentences pan to one more cycle within the dishwasherNewsBiscuit

A Retford man has sentenced a pan to a sixth consecutive cycle spherical within the dishwasher, it has been introduced. The information come after Paul McBride, 43 observed that the pan had failed to come back out completely clear after a fifth wash, nonetheless containing important particles from a spaghetti bolognese meal 4 days in […]

Biscuits

Cabinet near consensus on biscuits as Chequers crunch talks loomNewsBiscuit

Mrs May has greeted the primary indicators of cupboard unity with enthusiasm saying that the essential elevenses biscuit choices for Friday’s talks could also be reached as ‘early as Thursday.’ With no fastened timetable for espresso breaks on the discuss, and the seating plan in disarray – primarily on account of unanimous refusal to sit […]

Lampost

Birmingham lamp-post conquerer ‘high’ from Magic BeansNewsBiscuit

West Mercia Police are issuing a warning to the general public to keep away from a brand new ‘high’ being distributed on the streets of Birmingham, referred to as ‘Magic Beans’. The warning comes after the latest rescue of a person from atop a 32 foot excessive lamp-post. The man, ‘Jack’ believed he was ‘climbing […]

Boris

Cave rescue newest: divers now trying to find final of Boris’s integrityNewsBiscuit

Divers in Thailand are persevering with to discover miles under the floor of a flooded cave system in what’s being known as ‘Mission Impossible’ – a long-odds search to find the ultimate scraps of any of Boris Johnson’s integrity. ‘After finding the school party, we got a little over-confident,’ admitted one rescue employee. ‘We found […]