oh, go on, please?!

Nation’s husbands name for lawnmower banNewsBiscuit

Four UK water companies have lifted the last hosepipe bans, triggering calls by Britain’s husbands to introduce a lawnmower ban instead in order to prevent dangerous levels of nagging about the state of the nation’s gardens. Abnormal levels of rainfall during the recent drought have left gardens across the UK in a state of parlous […]

Isn’t Wimbledon fascinating this 12 months, says ScotlandNewsBiscuit

The folks of Scotland are fully absorbed on this 12 months’s Wimbledon Championship, it has emerged. Despite the withdrawal of residence favorite Andy Murray Scots up and down the nation are fully engrossed within the match within the absence of another main sporting occasions happening in the meanwhile. ‘We can’t get sufficient of the tennis […]

Vatican launches Home Exorcism KitNewsBiscuit

Pope Benedict XVI has given his seal of approval for a special self-exorcism kit that members of the general public can use to tackle their own personal demons. The kit, comprising of bell, book and candle, plus a special phial of holy water blessed by the Pope himself, will be available from the Vatican home […]

Everyone who's raving about Hannah Gadsby's special 'Nanette' is right

Everyone who's raving about Hannah Gadsby's particular 'Nanette' is true

Comedian Hannah Gadsby is single-handedly opening up a brand new period in comedy together with her breathtaking comedy special ‘Nanette,’ which gained Edinburgh Festival Fringe in 2017 earlier than being filmed in her native Australia. It dissects the toxicity within the self-deprecating humor minorities are sometimes anticipated to carry out, and it’ll undoubtedly stand as […]

Radio four geneticists create Moral MaizeNewsBiscuit

Geneticists working for BBC Radio 4 have finally unveiled the first GM foodstuff that can improve the ethical behaviour of consumers, known as ‘moral maize’. The maize, developed at a secret research site on the roof of the BBC’s Broadcasting House in London, will make those who eat it better, kinder, more patient, less prone […]

Just don

Knight Rider remake to function new diesel KITTNewsBiscuit

A remake of the seminal 1980s series Knight Rider will see David Hasselhoff teaming up with a diesel engine version of his old crime-fighting buddy KITT, according to reports. The global financial crisis, together with skyrocketing petrol prices, has forced producers into a rethink, with catching criminals now considered less of a priority than fuel […]

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Sergeant Pepper relationship website upsets visitorsNewsBiscuit

In a transfer that has upset a few of its extra conventional band members, Sergeant Pepper has launched his Lonely Hearts Club on-line as a relationship website. The 50-year-old membership has been a “late adopter” of recent expertise, however “we have gone for it big-time”, says the Sergeant, “and the response has been overwhelming”, with […]

princess last week, harlot this - house prices are going to suffer

‘Is this cellulite in an ancient picture of Mary Magdalene?’ asks Daily MailNewsBiscuit

After analysing a previously undiscovered picture of Jesus on the beach with his disciples, experts hired by the Daily Mail have been able to draw some shocking conclusions about ‘the bearded, sandal-wearing leftie’ and those he associated with. ‘Close analysis of the picture shows that Mary Magdalene is displaying obvious signs of cellulite,’ wrote lifestyle […]

NHS to begin publishing surgeons’ golf handicapsNewsBiscuit

Vascular surgeons are to change into the primary to have their efficiency knowledge revealed by the NHS, together with info on their handicaps, driving distance, placing accuracy and common bar spend. It will seem within the subsequent version of the Telegraph’s complement. ‘The public have the right to know how their surgeon is performing on the fairways […]