Cabinet

Agenda for Cabinet Crunch Brexit Meeting at ChequersNewsBiscuit

The Tory Party is determined to one way or the other obtain the unimaginable and arrive at an settlement that may see them try to maneuver the Brexit course of ahead. With this in thoughts Prime Minister Theresa May cobbled collectively a ‘last gasp’ assembly to be held at Chequers as we speak. NewsBiscuit has […]

Biscuits

Cabinet near consensus on biscuits as Chequers crunch talks loomNewsBiscuit

Mrs May has greeted the primary indicators of cupboard unity with enthusiasm saying that the essential elevenses biscuit choices for Friday’s talks could also be reached as ‘early as Thursday.’ With no fastened timetable for espresso breaks on the discuss, and the seating plan in disarray – primarily on account of unanimous refusal to sit […]

Boris

Cave rescue newest: divers now trying to find final of Boris’s integrityNewsBiscuit

Divers in Thailand are persevering with to discover miles under the floor of a flooded cave system in what’s being known as ‘Mission Impossible’ – a long-odds search to find the ultimate scraps of any of Boris Johnson’s integrity. ‘After finding the school party, we got a little over-confident,’ admitted one rescue employee. ‘We found […]

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Hoses in charge for Grenfell. Flammable materials exoneratedNewsBiscuit

In a shock twist, the inquiry into the Grenfell fireplace has found that firefighters brought about the tragedy, not the cladding created from cardboard and kerosene. By naively utilizing water to douse the flames, emergency providers ignored particular Kensington Council well being & security pointers: ‘…to let the f$cker burn’. The board defined: ‘The fire […]

Bank department closures offset by progress of meals banks, claims BorisNewsBiscuit

Reports have advised that banks are closing branches on the alarming charge of  60 per thirty days. Approximately, 2868 branches have been closed within the interval between 2015 and 2018. Boris Johnson, nonetheless, doesn’t share the issues expressed by clever folks. “Poppycock nonsense”, he stated, “We Tories are fiercely proud of our contribution towards growth […]

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Boris proposes post-Brexit self-delivering aerial pork systemNewsBiscuit

Foreign secretary Boris Johnson has proposed a brand new post-Brexit export scheme. ‘Currently, erm, gosh, pork products are delivered using a complicated system of lorries, trains and ferries,’ mentioned the unkempt white-haired serial shagger. ‘I’m assured that good previous British know-how will introduce a brand new breed of hog with a supply system that solely […]

London_Mayor_Boris

Boris tips prankster into considering he’s Foreign SecretaryNewsBiscuit

A hoax-caller was tricked into believing that Boris Johnson is actual particular person and never a skit involving Sacha Baron Cohen. The pretend Foreign Secretary was capable of preserve his ruse by stating that if David Davis might be a Minister, then why not he? For 18 minutes the conman was conned into believing that […]

Boris

‘Bojo needs wings’ says BorisNewsBiscuit

Foreign Secretary Boris de Pfeffel Johnson is requesting a non-public airplane to raised facilitate his duties representing British pursuits overseas in a extra environment friendly and prudent method, additionally to keep away from hordes of screaming followers. ‘Bojo! Bojo! Bojo! It’s terribly off-putting for passengers disembarking public flights to know all that’s ready for them […]

tesco

Tesco removes Brexit’s ‘best before’ dateNewsBiscuit

Under stress from the Government, Tesco’s have agreed to increase the size of time that Brexit negotiations could be left on the shelf. While the most effective earlier than date for leaving the EU was 1973, Tesco’s have stated they’re prepared to increase it to the Summer of 2052 – probably later. Many consider Brexit […]

Harry & Meghan

Royal Wedding Bun FightNewsBiscuit | NewsBiscuit

A livid row has damaged out in Westminster over an initiative by UK Food Banks to have fun the upcoming Royal Wedding on May 19th. In line with Meghan and Harry’s want for the entire nation to have fun with them, all UK meals banks introduced that they intend together with an additional 500g bag […]